The Tale of the Sleeping Swordsman
by Malachite
Summary: Hix bites into a cursed apple, and it's up to Tengaar to break the spell and wake up the Sleeping Swordsman! YAOI


The Tale of the Sleeping Swordsman

A Suikoden and Suikoden II fanfic

WARNING: This is a PARODY for the most part.  It is not serious.  Don't take it as so.  Suikoden and Suikoden 2 don't belong to me.  They belong to the big companies like Konami.  Don't sue me, please.  This story also contains yaoi.  If this is offensive to you, do no read this fic.  In addition, if you really like Tengaar, you might want to skip this fic.  She is very powerful, I played her throughout my entire game cause I liked her so much, but I slightly bastardized her here.  Main archiving is at: http://www.geocities.com/ff8bishounen_squall.  Commentary and Criticism go to malachite84@yahoo.com.  Don't flame, please, cause I wouldn't flame you.  Now, on with the fic!

One fine day in White Castle, the Liberation Army was having a day off.  The Highland forces were all attending Gorudo's annual "Eat 'till You Explode " barbeque, so the war was currently on hold.

Hix and Tengaar were talking by the front entrance.  "Really Hix!  You should be using this time to practice your swordsmanship."  As she rattled on, Hix sighed inwardly and tried not to roll his eyes.  He was regretting the day he ever named his sword after this girl.

Back in Magician's Island, Hellion was gazing into a crystal ball showing Tengaar and Hix.  Her old wrinkly face was contorted into a frown.  "The poor boy!  I must help him!  LOTTE!"  The old seer thumped her staff on the floor a couple times.  The only answering sound was a distant meow.  "Hmph.  That girl is in Gregminster, no doubt!  And she forgot that stupid cat of hers again!  Ah well.  I shall have to do this myself!"  The old woman shuffled into her super secret magic laboratory and started throwing strange colored liquids into a large bathtub at the center of the room.  She hadn't managed to get a cauldron on to the Island yet. As she stirred the potion, she started to dance around the tub to cast the spell.  Unfortunately, her arthritis caught up to her just then and she fell flat on her face with a resounding smack on the cold stone floor.  Grimacing, she pulled herself up with her staff and raised an old gnarled hand towards the tub.  "Mother Earth Rune, show your power!" she croaked.

The tub exploded, the potion blasting towards the ceiling as a column of flames.  The old magician was thrown on her face yet again as the fire roared.  When the noise faded, she opened her eyes and saw the fruit of her works.  An ugly gray seed lay amidst the bathtub's ruins.  Shuffling over, she prodded it with her staff.  There was a loud bang and it vanished in a puff of smoke.  Waving away the smoke, she smirked.  Bending over to pick up the finished product, a shiny red apple, her back gave a resounding crack, echoing throughout the room.  Hunched over, she teleported to White Castle.

Tengaar was still complaining to Hix, now on the subject of how dense the young man was.  The poor guy was shifting from foot to foot and shooting yearning glances at the courtyard entrance.  Kinnison was standing over a ways, in his usual spot, shaking his head and hiding a smile.  The young hunter was full of pity for the swordsman.  Just as Hix was ready to make a break for it, a flash of light and a weird sound signaled someone had teleported.  Running over to see who it was, Hix was caught by surprise.  "Hellion?  Why are you here?"

The old woman held up the apple.  "I have had a vision!  You must eat fruit immediately, or you will DIE!"  She thrust the apple towards the dense swordsman.

Hix raised an eyebrow.  "Are you…sure?"

Hellion jumped up, with another gunshot like crack from her back.  "Indeed, child!  Hurry and eat the apple!"

Hix blinked.  'I'm not a child…I'm 20 years old already…Then again, most everyone is old compared to the old hag there.'  Shrugging, he took a huge chomp while Hellion watched him carefully.  As he chewed, swallowed, and took another bite, the elderly magician started to tap her foot impatiently.  Hix observed her, innocent as always.  "Are you waiting…for…some…" He didn't finish as he collapsed to the ground, unconscious.

Tengaar ran up just then, looking cross as Hix had actually had the nerve to run away for once.  She saw Hix drop down to the ground, and her eyes flashed fire.  Letting out a horrendous scream of pure rage, she stalked over to Hellion. "WHAT…DID…YOU…DO!?"  Before the old woman could answer, Tengaar had her Shining Knife drawn and was charging forwards.  Only a quick spell from Hellion's rune saved her, a wall of mud exploding from the ground in front of the screaming girl.  The redhead apparently didn't care, and began smashing her way through.

Kinnison flinched at the nightmarish scene.  Running into the castle, he burst into Dr. Huan's office, crashing into Tuta.  Dr. Huan was standing an arm's length away, and the little boy looked up at him.  "Doctor…" The boy didn't finish as Kinnison snatched a hold on the doctor's sleeve and charged back outside.

The moment she saw the doctor, Hellion quickly shuffle-dashed forward and furiously whispered into the man's ear, the young hunter obviously over-hearing every word spoken.  Both men nodded, small smiles forming on their mouths.  Everyone knew of poor Hix's plight, and they all had sympathy for the young man.

As Kinnison slipped away silently, Dr. Huan walked solemnly forwards to Tengaar, who had just managed to blast through the wall of earth.  "Tengaar, killing this poor hag…er…magician will not help you in any way.  The only thing that will wake Hix now is the kiss of his true love."

Tengaar smiled predatorily, scaring everyone even more.  "Well now!  This is going to be easy!"  Bowing over Hix's prone form, she kissed him full on the mouth, and then backed up as she waited for him to awaken.

Minute after minute passed, and Tengaar started pacing back and forth impatiently.  Huan and Hellion were both desperately trying not to laugh.  The girl turned and glared at them.  "Well?  When is it he's supposed to wake up?"

Hellion stepped forward, a grave look on her wrinkled face.  "Tengaar, if the one who is his true love kisses him, he shall awaken immediately."

The doctor's face was serious as well.  "Tengaar, I'm sorry, but you are not his true love, and there's no way he'll be waking up for you."  Spinning around on his heel, he marched back into the castle.

A low growl sounded from Tengaar's throat as she started to shake, turning an unhealthy shade of red that almost matched her hair.  Hellion's eyes widened in fear as the elderly magician tried to slowly back away.  Tengaar let out a piercing scream, startling the pigeons, flying squirrels, and griffin on the roof into flight.  She threw her Shining Knife hard in Hellion's direction, but missed as the old woman had teleported away.  After screaming again in outrage, her devious mind began to formulate a plan.

'If I can get another girl to wake up Hix, I can still get him again!  What does a stupid spell know anyways?'  Tengaar laughed maniacally, then trotted off to make a sign announcing a kissing contest to wake up her sleeping boyfriend.

Tengaar hung her little sign in the entrance hall, plastered over the Stone Tablet of Promise.  When Luc started to throw a hissy fit on her, she picked him up by his hair, whirled him around, and threw him bodily in to the wall.  Leknaat's apprentice didn't bother her again after that.

The sign read: "ATTENTION!  The swordsman Hix has been put under an unusual sleeping spell.  Only a special kiss can wake him.  Will all eligible females meet with Tengaar in the Blue Knights' quarters, an hour after lunch."  People from all over read the sign.  Vincent and Simone even made a grand entrance, before bursting into sobs and hugging one another, crying about how unfair it was that only women got to participate.  Camus and Miklotov saw the sign as well, and immediately scheduled the Knights to a day of weapons practice, keeping their rooming quarters unoccupied.

Nanami was talking quietly to Nina and Rina in a corner.  "What's up with this?  I thought Tengaar wouldn't let another girl even NEAR Hix…"

Rina smiled as she shuffled a deck of cards.  "Hoo hoo hoo.  I saw it in the cards!  She tried herself, and failed miserably."

Nina poked Rina and glared.  "You just asked Kinnison for the latest gossip in the courtyard."  She twirled a strand of curly blonde hair between her fingers.  "That girl follows poor Hix everywhere!  He never gets a chance to rest!  How can she be so inconsiderate of his feelings?"

Nanami and Rina blinked and sweatdropped at the schoolgirl's comment.  "Uh…"

By chance, Flik walked by just then.  Nina's eyes grew huge and sparkly as an enormous grin filled her face.  "FLIK!"  She raced after him as he took flight, his blue cape streaming out behind him.

The remaining two girls sighed.  Nanami looked thoughtful for a moment, considering the contest carefully in her mind.  "Hey Rina, you going to do it?"

Rina shrugged.  "Why not?  Hix is a cute guy.  Not to mention sweet and oh so…naive."

Nanami giggled and nodded.  "He is!  I'll do it too!  Although…I'd like it more if it was someone like…CAMUS!"

Rina laughed, her usual "Hoo hoo hoo." and waved her hand in the air.  "You and your cute knights…"

The other girl just grinned and winked.  "Got that right!  Now, let's go find Tengaar!"

A huge crowd of females crowded in to the Blue Knight's quarters.  Tengaar herself was standing on a long table.  Hix's sleeping form was safely tucked away in a spare bed Miklotov had pointed out to her, the door to that bedroom safely locked, only she and the Blue Knight had the key.  She took a deep breath and shouted over the murmuring voices, far louder than necessary.  "WILL EVERYONE SHUT UP PLEASE!"  Mouths snapped shut and Tengaar smiled sweetly at the sudden silence.  "Now, I'm going to establish some basic requirements.  First, no one over the age of 35!"  

Taki grumbled and shuffled out the room, followed by several other women, including the rather large Barbara.  The granny peered over her shoulder as she took her leave.  "Maturity is an admirable trait!"  She exited, shaking her pink-hatted head.

Tengaar cleared her throat loudly as she continued.  "Second, no one married!"  Everyone stared as Hilda and Yoshino quietly walked out.  "Third, no one under the age of 15!"  There were multiple high-pitched cries of dismay.  Tengaar ducked as a boomerang whirled over her head, followed by a spear thudding into the wall above her.  Standing up carefully after a moment, she cried out as a fluffy white thing smacked into her face.  Throwing the sheep to the side, she glared as Millie, Tomo, and the tiny Yuzu stormed out.  At the door, Millie turned around and held up her pet.  "Bonaparte knew this was a stupid idea!"  The supposed-groundhog squeaked as the girl stomped out in a huff.

Smiling in an obviously fake manner, Tengaar observed the remaining females.  "Now, we're going to have to single some of you girls out."  Her gaze swept the room.  "Hix is a warrior, so the right female must be a good fighter."  Murmurs filled the room as multiple women drew various weapons, while several others prepared to raise their hands to cast spells from their runes.  Tengaar grinned disturbingly.  "Magic, special technique runes, and weapons are allowed.  Items are not, and that includes spell scrolls.  Everyone fighting report to the castle courtyard practice grounds in exactly five minutes!  MOVE!"  They all scrambled out the doors to prepare for the big fight.  Tengaar smiled happily and skipped towards the courtyard.

Finally, the time for the big fight arrived.  Tengaar observed the assortment of women all ready for battle.  'Snipers, magicians, warriors, swordswomen, martial artists…this will be INTERESTING!'  "Ready girls?"  All females present roared in agreement.  "FIGHT!"

Chaos ensued immediately.  Runes flashed as magic spells and special techniques went off.  Weapons flew everywhere.  Tengaar ran back into the castle and immediately cast as many of her Mother Earth rune protection spells that she could on the doorway.  'They're ANIMALS!'  As the sounds started to fade, she carefully peeked back outside.  The only ones left standing were Nanami and Sierra.  Both were staring each other down.  Nanami was clenching her tri-part nunchaku tightly, while Sierra's right hand was glowing a deep red from her Darkness rune.

The vampire licked her pale lips, her small fangs glinting as she grinned evilly.  "Hix will be mine!  He has such a nice neck…Just the thought makes me thirsty!"

Nanami growled as she bounced around in her martial arts dance.  "I won't lose!  I'll win, you just watch!"

Sierra laughed as she raised her hand, her rune flashing crimson light.  "FINAL BELL!"

Nanami flung herself to the ground and did a roll, dodging the spell and then jumping back up right in front of Sierra.  "Grandpa Genkaku's secret technique!  Golden Bird Holy Flower Dragon Tooth Glory Punch!"  A huge roar filled the whole area as an explosion of light blinded Tengaar, not letting her see what was happening.

When the light finally faded, Tengaar gasped.  Sierra was on the ground unconscious, and Nanami was still standing, smiling and skipping about happily.  The redhead rushed forwards and put on a fake smile.  "Congratulations Nanami!  You're the winner!  Now, let's go find Hix!"  Nanami nodded eagerly and the two girls made off for the Blue Knight quarters.  Just in time to see Camus unlocking Hix's door.  Both girls frowned and stuck their heads in.

Camus was bending over the sleeping boy's form, a small smile on his handsome face.  Drawing nearer, his face was so close that his breath was causing Hix's bangs to flutter around slightly.  He bent down closer and closer, closing his eyes, as his lips were about to touch the boy's.  

Tengaar launched herself at the Red Knight in rage, but unfortunately Nanami had done the same thing.  Both girls collided with each other and fell into a dazed pile on the floor.  Helpless, they looked on, Camus pressing his lips softly to the sleeping Hix's.  Everyone held their breath, Tengaar clenching a fist with her eyes screwed shut tightly.  Nanami was just watching with huge eyes, still in shock over Camus' actions.

As the knight finally pulled back, Hix slowly opened one eye and then the other, blinking sleepily.  "Mm…Sir Camus?  Where am I?  Last thing I remember was Hellion and that apple."  Hix tilted his head curiously.  "I guess I was asleep.  You woke me up?"

Camus nodded.  "And do you know how I woke you up?"

Hix blinked and shrugged.  "No, I…MMPH!" 

Camus smirked as he pulled back from the kiss.  "Like that."

Hix was blushing deep red, averting his gaze from the older man.  Unfortunately, Hix's gaze met Tengaar's.  "Oh…no…I'm dead."

The knight whirled around, drawing the Uriah/3 in one quick motion.  Seeing the girls, he blushed slightly and looked at the ceiling.  Tengaar pushed Nanami off her and struggled to her feet.  "You…you…"

She was knocked over by Nanami, looking tearful.  "I can't believe such a cute knight like you would go for other GUYS!"  She sobbed as she kicked out her foot in frustration, accidentally braining Tengaar, who fell unconscious.  "Oops…"

The Red Knight sighed as he brushed back his hair.  "Nanami, I am sorry, but I can not help it.  I have always liked other men, especially cute ones like Hix here."  Hix was flushing a darker shade of red by now

Nanami was stomping her foot on Tengaar's head in a tantrum by now.  "BUT HIX ISN'T LIKE THAT!"  Both Camus and Nanami turned to look at Hix.  "Right?"

The young warrior kept his flushed face down, shaking slightly at the embarrassing situation.  "Uhm…I don't know.  Until Camus kissed me, I though I only liked girls…but now…"

Tengaar surged up with a blood-curdling screech, throwing herself at Hix.  Camus smoothly intercepted her with his muscled arms, and attempted to pin her arms behind her back.  She kicked and scratched as well as she could, giving the knight several bloody marks before he managed to hold her back.  The girl let out a sound close to a howl as she glared at Hix.  "You CAN'T be gay!  I won't let you!  I WON'T!  IT'S DISGUSTING AND UNHEARD OF IN THE WARRIOR'S VILLAGE!"

"One reason I left."  All eyes turned to the newcomer.  Flik walked in, looking around cautiously for Nina.  Holding his hand and walking a step behind him was Miklotov  "Mikki here asked me why we couldn't go there after the war.  That's the reason."  The Blue Knight flushed at the nickname.

Nanami's eyes grew teary at the site of her other cute knight being seen with another man.  She promptly stormed out, cursing under her breath.  Miklotov called out a polite "My apologies!" at her retreating figure.  All eyes watched as she slammed the door with a resounding crash from the other side.  There was now one less vase in White Castle.  Tengaar wasn't watching Nanami however, as she was still snarling and trying to struggle free from Camus' hold.  With a sigh, the Red Knight looked to Miklotov for help.  The Blue Knight shrugged helplessly.  "I do not know how to manage a situation like this."

Surprisingly, Hix spoke up.  "Allow me."  Getting to his feet, he glared right back at Tengaar.  "I'm going to be with Camus now.  He's interesting, and far nicer than you are.  We're over Tengaar.  I hereby name my sword…Camus ++!"  Everyone but Tengaar clapped and smiled.  "Oh and Tengaar, here's a goodbye present."  Raising his right hand, pale blue-silver light flashed throughout the small room as the wind rune's symbol glowed in the air.  "Wind of Sleep!"  The pale pink sakura petals swirled around the screeching girl, knocking her into a deep sleep immediately.  

Camus handed the evil girl to Miklotov, who carried her out.  He returned almost immediately, and was welcomed back by Flik with a deep kiss.  When they finally separated, Camus applauded.  Hix followed suit, still looking quite uncomfortable.  Flik grinned at Hix and winked.  "We'll leave you two alone.  Remember this whole quarters is cleared out, except for Mikki's room that is."  The one known as Blue Lightning dragged the Blue Knight off, smirking the whole time.

When the door clicked shut, Camus climbed on to the bed next to younger man and wrapped a muscled arm around him.  "So Hix…you really do want to experiment with me?"  When the swordsman nodded, Camus wasted no time throwing off his armor and jacket, quickly running over to lock the door before returning to his bed…

Tengaar came to consciousness in Dr. Huan's infirmary.  She quickly bounded out of bed towards the Blue Knights headquarters.  "It was only a dream.  It was only a dream.  Camus did NOT kiss Hix!"  She panted for breath as she arrived at the room Hix was supposed to be in and quickly unlocked the door with her key.  Barging in, her jaw dropped.  There was a very naked Camus and Hix, seemingly very BUSY at the moment.  Both looked up as the door opened and separated quickly with a yelp, Hix hiding under the sheets and Camus grabbing his sword from the bedside.  Tengaar made a choking noise before she slowly closed the door and went off to Leona's for something strong.  'Well, that's interesting…Hix never did anything like that with me…'

After completing what they had been doing before Tengaar had arrived, Hix and Camus lie in bed, both breathing heavily.  The older man turned to Hix with a smile on his face.  "So, did you enjoy it?"

Hix made a face.  "It was good…but I'm all sticky and stuff inside now.  Not to mention sore…"

The Red Knight laughed and hugged the young man to his body.  "We will go to the baths soon, if it pleases you."

The warrior nodded and closed his eyes, savoring the fact that he was finally FREE of a dreaded curse.  "Finally, no more Tengaar…"


End file.
